My Was-Gonna-Be-Pet Clam

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Right. So I went to Pangkor over the weekend for the Rakan Muda trip, right,and after some hanging around shallow waters and rocky areas, I found this clam. A live clam. And it was heavy, and I thought… FOOD! SURVIVAL! Not that I really needed it, because we got 4 meals a day, but still. I wanted to show it to Mum.

So I stuffs it in a plastic bag with the rest of the shells and puts it in my bag, and I get back from Pangkor, brown as roast chicken, but with rather noticeable tan lines on my arms and legs, and a whole band of uncooked flesh where I forgot to take off my watch during snorkeling and kayaking. I shows it to Mum. And she’s all, why’d you bring it back? I was like.. well.. because.

I put my clam in some water with salt in it. It lasted a couple of days. Today it was rather sluggish, though its shell was open, I tapped it and it didn’t close. I pressed a bit though, and it did. I rather didn’t want it to die by this time, but I had no other way to keep it alive. So I told my maid to do the deed, because I just couldn’t kill it.

She asked me if I wanted to break it.

I was HORRIFIED. Absolutely plain HOMAIGOSH, that she would say such a thing! Eventually, she stuck a knife in it, and prised it open. I was still dumbstruck. She asked, shall I take the meat out? And I wanted to cry. My poor clam! Such an undignified death. She said it was dead already. She just yanked out the meat, just like that. And my clam is dead.

On another note, I’m srsly not sure what to do about him. I’m… in a teeny tiny part of my heart, still hoping upon all hopes that I can win him over, but another part of my heart’s like… what for? I feel mentally and emotionally exhausted. I love him. Very much. I know I do. It’s just… Well. After a while, you get tired. I’ll try, of course to hang out with him. But now I think, I’m not expecting anything at all.

At some point over the weekend I got into a real funk, thinking I was such a horrible person. No wonder he didn’t like me. I apologised to him profusely, and he was like.. huh? Why? And I was like.. sheepishly… ‘for being in love with you?’ And he’s like.. oh. naw. it’s okay. He doesn’t like me too close though. But before the Kali incident, he seemed rather interested. Or well.. more open to my affections.

I think back on the snuggling period, and I’m pretty sure there was something there.

At Pangkor, we went and visited a temple. and at the top all these stairs, was this huge boulder with a big chinese character on it in golden yellow. I asked Eng Hong what it meant. He said it meant ‘jodoh’. So I climbed all the way to the top. To the top of the boulder, even though I was exhausted, and my chest hurt, I climbed all the way to the top, and wished and hoped like anything that he’d be mine. The view from up there wasn’t too shabby either.

Because of that, Shawny and Esther think I’m so romantic. Lol.

And um, that’s it. For now. Another day in my sad life. Oh. And more picturey blog posts when I get to it.